On losing a doll

Friday evening after I finished work, we piled the girls into the car for a night on the town.  We drove around looking at Christmas lights and then headed to the mall to see the decorations there.


As we were making our way back to the car to go home, Isla realized that somewhere along the way, she had lost her favorite doll that she’d gotten all dressed up to come see the lights.

We left our number at lost & found, but weren’t really expecting a call.  As we were driving home, Isla was in the backseat talking about how “maybe a reindeer would find her and say, ‘hey! That’s Isla’s!’ and bring it to our house,” and Caleb and I were in the front seat talking about what we should do.  Do we try to quickly replace it?  Or is this a lesson learned?  “Loss is a part of life,” Caleb said.  And my response was, “yeah, but I want to mediate that as much as possible for her.  I don’t want her to feel sad.  It breaks my heart.”

We got home and put the girls to bed and I opened my facebook.  My newsfeed was full of status updates about ‘the news, the tragedy, prayers for Connecticut.’  So I checked the news and felt so shallow feeling sad about a lost doll when a whole class of first graders had just been senselessly murdered.

My first reaction to news like this is to want to grab my babies and run and hide… somewhere.  Somewhere safe.  But the reality is, nowhere is really safe.  It seems more terrible, somehow, because I can picture exactly what those littles were doing in the first few minutes of their school day.  My preschooler was doing the same thing just that morning.  The sad fact of the matter is, we are surrounded by evil.  Children are killed by a bomb at a playground in Damascus 50 miles to the east of us.  Babies killed in their beds in Gaza, just a 25 minute plane ride to the south (though it would be illegal to actually go there…).  A car bomb assassination a few months ago just around the corner from the mall with the Christmas lights.  We cry desperately for peace.  Our hearts cry out, “Why Lord?!” and we try to come up with a solution.  Anything to make us feel safer.

And as much as we hope and pray for peace, both here in the Middle East and back home in America, we know that true peace will not be found through gun laws or peace treaties….


You know, maybe I will buy that doll after all.


2 thoughts on “On losing a doll

  1. you know that explosion that happened last month was only one, what really scares me is that this explosion may become normal, it is really a scary nightmare that you wake up at the morning expecting a murder or explosion, and then sleep at night, finding it wierd if nothing happened that day

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